As Tories race to flee the sinking ship, Liz Truss dramatically crossed the floor of the house before accidentally rejoining the Conservative Party.

The house sat in stunned amazement as the former leader of the Conservative Party boldly strode across the floor of the house, became confused, turned around and retook her seat on the government benches.

After a long silence, the house dissolved into helpless laughter. Seemingly unaware of her faux pas, the former national embarrassment misunderstood the situation and rose to receive the acclaim of her colleagues.

The speaker, Sir Hardly Fair, shouted, “Madam, what the actual fuck do you think you are doing?” before going on to add, “No, hang on, it’s the village idiot from South West Norfolk. Carry on, madam, this is bound to be good.” And with that, the cheering resumed.

Following the meeting, the Village Idiot was summoned to the Prime Minister’s Office to explain her actions. After apologising for disturbing Sir Keir Starmer, she made her way to number 10. As she knocked on the door, it dawned on her that something had gone horribly wrong once again.

In a scene that could have been penned by Armando Iannucci, Lizzie hastily called a press conference to ‘put the matter straight’. The Press Office was swamped with a flood of journalist. The political editor of the Knitters Gazette asked her, “God woman, what were you trying to do?

“I was trying to make a point. It was very meta. I now understand that I may have confused those not schooled in the art of politics. I wanted to symbolically show the establishment that this lady was not afraid to rejoin the Conservative Party. The party has abandoned its ideals for too long, and I wanted to make the point that I want to rejoin my old party.”

“What the Lib Dems?” asked the knitter.

“No, you poltroon, the Conservative Party that I was honoured to lead into oblivion.”

She explained that she wasn’t influenced by the headlines generated by other Tory defectors and that she did not intend to embarrass the Prime Minister by joining Labour, unlike that Elphicke woman.

When Sir Keir was asked whether or not Liz Truss would be welcome in the Labour Party, he said, “Stop it, you’re killing me. I haven’t laughed so much since I kicked Jeremy out of the party. You are a card; have you considered doing some stand-up?”

Meanwhile, your government continues.

Photo Credit:Simon Dawson / No10 Downing Street, OGL 3 http://www.nationalarchives.gov.uk/doc/open-government-licence/version/3, via Wikimedia Commons