Monkey Life

Brexititis sufferer makes an emotional appeal to European Court of Justice to be allowed to die

Ian Napton, has appealed directly to the European Court of Justice to be allowed permanent relief from his Brexititis, by being allowed to die. 

Mr Napton started noticing significant health changes around 2015, when the referendum was proposed. He developed headaches, nausea, and terrible pain down his right side, trouble sleeping and depression.

Post referendum, symptoms worsened. His Doctor diagnosed extreme Brexititis, and began treatment.  

Dr Read explained, “Most people in the UK have mild Brexititis but cope on a daily basis.  However this extreme case brings acute suffering. There’s no cure. All we can do is alleviate symptoms with very strong pain-killers and lots of alcohol.”

Things deteriorated. Now, even the sight of Rees-Mogg, Farage or Theresa May leads to constant pain, increasing blood pressure and an overwhelming desire to bludgeon anyone who mentions Brexit, to death. 

I couldn’t take the constant leave, remain, leave, remain. Every TV and radio programme, panel show, newspaper article has some know-nothing comedian on it regurgitating the same old codswallop.”

“Just when you think it’s done, like with Theresa’s deal, they cock it up and we start  all-over again. Well, I can’t take it any more, it’s never going to end, even if we leave everyone is still going to be going on about it, ad nauseum.” 

“They’ve treated me for depression, it hasn’t helped. All that’s left is to spare my family the misery of watching me suffer. Please let me die.”

The European Court, will issue their decision before its authority ends in 2019. If it rules in Ian’s favour he’ll travel to Dignitas with his family, and be at the head of the queue. 

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