The Royal Family have announced the birth of their latest progeny, Prince Archie. The nation rejoiced in welcoming yet another tax payer funded overlord.

As a British Royal, Archie is 7th in the line of succession to The Crown. His American mother also ensures his qualification to become President of the United States of America.

The Prince’s birth isn’t random chance but the fruition of a plan centuries in the making. The Royal Family have been searching for a suitable American bed-mate to help them regain The Colonies.

Their plans were put on hold after the first attempt, with Bessie Wallis and Edward Simpson failed. Now, with frustration growing amongst ageing senior Royals, The Corporation decided Meghan Merkle would have to do.

Phase two of the plan requires Archie to stand in an American Presidential election. Once victorious, a series of ‘abdications’ will follow in order to ensure he is crowned Archie, King of Britain. As ruler of both nations the Royal Family will finally, reclaim their rightful lands, territories and holiday homes.

This news delighted the legion of Royal watchers who had decided to be appalled at the idea of a British Prince marrying an American woman for love. Daily Mail readers had been particularly outraged, but now the wider plan has been revealed they’ve calmed down a bit.

The Queen said, “The long game, that’s how one wins at Game of Thrones, you fuckin upstarts.”