Mon. Sep 27th, 2021
Is this as good as it gets?

After everyone told Ian Napton that his wedding day was ‘The Best Day of His Life’ he has taken the practical decision to respect their opinion and just give up.

“Look, everyone told me my wedding day was ‘The Best Day of My Life’, and yes, it was a good one. There’s no doubt about it, it was a corker. I realised that if that was as good as it gets then, what’s the point? I may as well not bother. So, I decided to crack open a beer, put my feet up and watch Netflix.”

Ian argues that his day to day living is now much easier. There’s no more gym, healthy eating or trying to make people happy. He doesn’t have to buy gifts or cards, go on holidays or arrange day’s out. Work’s also easier, there’s no more striving for a promotion nor studying for exams or going on pointless team building exercises and customers can fuck off too.

He’s also stopped watching the news, buying lottery tickets and supporting United and Ian reckons he’s much happier as a result.

When we asked Gillian Napton what she thought about it, she said, “My mum told me this would happen after we got married but you know what? he’s right. I had all sorts of plans for the house and garden and we were going to start a family but if it’s not going to be any better than our wedding day, what’s the point? We’ll only end up being disappointed. Have you seen Black Mirror? It’s brilliant!”


By Wild Gerald

Gerald has been running around the country, flinging poo, for many years. He is no longer wild, merely slightly annoyed.

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