Minor Royal, and noted arms industry representative, Prince Andrew gave an interview on BBC Newsnight about his relationship with close personal friend and nonce, Jeffrey Epstein. The objective was to clarify the exact nature of their relationship and to explain that, despite being a repeat visitor to Jeffrey’s many houses, a guest at his many parties and personally accused of sex with a minor, that he knew nothing of Jeff’s sex trafficking business.

The interview was described by many as a car wreck, an articulated lorry crash and a train kerfuffle, whatever it was it spelt doom for the transport industry. As a result Prince Andrew has come under increasing pressure to further explain himself.

In what is considered to be the latest in a series of PR disasters, Andy Pandy took to the Graham Norton show to explain his conduct on the first interview. Apparently, it was thought that Mr Norton’s brand of smutty innuendo would bring a charming and disarming tone to the allegations.

Accused of being evasive, arrogant, dishonest, forgetful, entitled, arrogant and lacking empathy or remorse, Prince Andrew conducted his second interview in order to confirm all of these things. Ignoring requests to put down the shovel, he went on to say “I stand by everything I said, it’s not fair, you’re just being mean. How dare you question me? Do you know who I am?”

Reports that he will be appearing on the Andrew Marr show to clarify what he said on the second interview are mere conjecture.