Tue. Oct 20th, 2020
Le Big Bell

Following the campaign to make Big Ben ring on Brexit Day, the Hunchback of Notre Dame has been brought in to bang the clapper.

Big Ben is currently undergoing refurbishment and has had its clapper removed. Campaigners want it restored in order to ring bells of joy on Brexit Day. However, this would have involved rebuilding a floor, re-installing the clapper and paying 300 Polish workmen to sit around doing nothing.

Big Ben
Clapped Out

What to do?

One bright spark pointed out owing to the recent fire, the bell ringer at Notre Dame was available and for a reasonable fee could come and bong the bell.

“Je Suis passionate about ringing bells, so ze opportunity to get my hands on Big Ben was just too good to refuse. Even though Je Suis Francaise, Je comprendez how important this event is to Les Rosbifs and I promise I will be giving Big Ben a good, hard tug.” Said Quasimodo.

Hunchback of Westminster
Hunchback to make Big Ben Bong with Joy

Meanwhile, Mr Francois was outraged. “It’s an insult to the 17.4 million people who voted for Brexit to have a Frenchman come over here and bong Big Ben. I offered to do it but no-one pays any attention to me,  I was in the army you know. If you wanted an ugly, repulsive, hunch-back to ring the bell, surely it should have been me?” said Mark Francois.

Mark Francois Homunculus
The Hunchback of Westminster
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By The Crown Prince

As you can see from his regal bearing his majesty is a fine specimen of ape hood. By way of disclaimer any suggestion of parties involving a Prince of the Realm are unfounded.

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