Sun. May 22nd, 2022

Millions of Brits are secretly relieved that the outbreak of the Corona Virus means they can stop hugging people they barely know.

For the last twenty years the British people have been sharing a series of ever more complex bear hugs. This unnatural invasion of personal space has left millions of people feeling, dirty, confused and exceedingly uncomfortable.

Social scientists have laid the blame on the worldwide TV hit, Friends. Since it was first aired, people who barely know each other have had to embrace each other in awkward and uncomfortable ways. It’s a social disease.

Thanks to the Corona Virus outbreak people realised that hugging increases the transmission risk of communicable diseases.

Justifying its action as ‘based on the latest scientific evidence’ the Government has decided to ban hugging, kissing and stupid handshakes.

One Brit said “I don’t know why we do it, we’re not American. We simply can’t get it right, bobbing, weaving and grappling, it just leaves you feeling emotionally drained. This is really good news and if we have to lose a few of the older generation in order to end this shameful habit, I for one think it is a price worth paying.”

It’s good to see you again!

Meanwhile, advice from the government is practice ‘traditional British reserve’. Stand at least 6 feet away from anyone else, wear gloves scarf and a hat at all times and should you hear that someone has a slight sniffle call into work and book the next two weeks off.

Good Morning madam!

By The Chatty Chump

Given his name by The Editor for good reason, although both parties refuse to speak of it. Lucky to still have a tyre swing.

The Chatty Chimp, where we don't do fake news, all our stories are 100% made up!