Sun. May 22nd, 2022
It's sex or the garden

A community is honouring an accidental hero, for his valiant efforts, to support his neighbours during social distancing.

With his heralded golf club closed for the foreseeable, Ian Napton like many, was faced with a daunting void in his social calendar. With this in mind, his quick thinking wife Gillian suggested, that they ‘embark on studying and practising daily tantric sex.

Its shut, what do i do now?

Responding swiftly to his spouse, Napton rapidly set about landscaping his garden and embarking on dormant DIY projects.

Amused, Gillian confided, ‘I’ve never seen him move so speedily off that sofa. Within seconds, the TV was off and he was hacking back the herbaceous borders.’

Hang on love, let's not be too hasty
haNHang on love, let’s not be too hasty!

Napton’s selfless deeds have extended to his wider community. Determined, he informed us he has, ‘no intention of stopping’, until he is ‘safely back at work.’

So far, his accolade of achievements includes: mowing seventeen lawns, painting three sheds and laying two patios, as well as constructing a picnic table and a three-tiered fort, for his neighbour’s tortoise Bob.

Once this is done I can fix the roof!

Next week, Napton plans to deliver meals on wheels and refurbish the community centre.


By Lady Tamsyn Marie

Lady Tamsyn Marie elegant, charming and more vicious than Mary Poppins

The Chatty Chimp, where we don't do fake news, all our stories are 100% made up!