He has been a little under the weather lately. Concerns about his health surfaced when he noted his ambrosia tasted a little off. Feeling shivery with a dry cough and his sense of taste and smell is absent, Dr McCoy, G’s personal physician, has confined Our Lord to quarters, for the next two weeks.
The Pope, read the following letter, on The Almighty’s behalf. “I have shown some symptoms of Corona Virus. Although I am untested, Dr McCoy feels it would be prudent for me to self-isolate. The last thing heaven needs is an outbreak of Covid-19. As you know, we have a large number of elderly customers, and it would be irresponsible to risk their eternal peace. I would like to reassure the faithful that my symptoms are mild, but at 13.8 billion years of age one can never be too careful. Unfortunately, this means there will be a small interruption to our normal service. We apologise for the inconvenience but hope that you understand. See you on the other side, The Big G.”
God will remain incommunicado for fourteen days. While this situation persists, prayers will be unanswered, keys will remain lost and orgasms unsatisfied. It is fortuitous that all professional sport has been cancelled. Although, Jesus is unhappy. He has a big bet on Liverpool winning the title, and he’s not sure if this outbreak is just his Dad pulling his leg.
James Webb Telescope unable to find Brexit Benefits
On the plus side, we did find Priti Patel’s compassion hidden on a barren rock 4.4 billion light years away.
Brexit Opportunities Minister makes the most of his opportunity to sell the Pound
Look, if one can do it, anyone can do it, says the man selling Britain, as fast as he can, “It’s a great opportunity”
Brits promise to punish Putin by not buying a Lada
That’ll show ’em says classic car enthusiast and peace protestor, Ian Napton
Categories:Monkey Life, Monkey News, Science
The Chatty Chimp 