He has been a little under the weather lately. Concerns about his health surfaced when he noted his ambrosia tasted a little off. Feeling shivery with a dry cough and his sense of taste and smell is absent, Dr McCoy, G’s personal physician, has confined Our Lord to quarters, for the next two weeks.
The Pope, read the following letter, on The Almighty’s behalf. “I have shown some symptoms of Corona Virus. Although I am untested, Dr McCoy feels it would be prudent for me to self-isolate. The last thing heaven needs is an outbreak of Covid-19. As you know, we have a large number of elderly customers, and it would be irresponsible to risk their eternal peace. I would like to reassure the faithful that my symptoms are mild, but at 13.8 billion years of age one can never be too careful. Unfortunately, this means there will be a small interruption to our normal service. We apologise for the inconvenience but hope that you understand. See you on the other side, The Big G.”
God will remain incommunicado for fourteen days. While this situation persists, prayers will be unanswered, keys will remain lost and orgasms unsatisfied. It is fortuitous that all professional sport has been cancelled. Although, Jesus is unhappy. He has a big bet on Liverpool winning the title, and he’s not sure if this outbreak is just his Dad pulling his leg.
The left-wing economic establishment brought me down, cries Liz Truss
It’s not my fault! cries a deluded Li, as the internet passes comment with some of this year’s best memes.
Daily Express editor suffers orgasmic death as snow arrives
Daily Express Editor dies after suffering a prolonged orgasm brought on by the arrival of winter snow in the UK
Harrods accidentally hires Satan for the Christmas Grotto
Harrods hires Satan for the Grotto, second-rate guitarists, Apprentice candidates and Tory MP’s are queuing out the door!
Categories:Monkey Life, Monkey News, Science
The Chatty Chimp 