With the worldwide lockdown curtailing almost all activity, the BBC has decided to cut their news output to 10 minutes a day.

The BBC’s Head of News said, “This is a fantastic opportunity for us to save a packet. Nothing is happening, so all we need is a bulletin that leads with ‘Corona Virus Lockdown continues’, follows it up with ‘valiant NHS Staff don’t have enough PPE’ and finishes with a heart warming story about some child from Middlesborough getting a thousand likes for his dead Granny on Instagram, before she looks wistfully at the camera and tells us that, “It’s what she would have wanted”.

Apparently, senior executives decided that hours of endless speculation about; the end of the pandemic, how no one has any money and that a vaccine will be available soon, have become so repetitive that no one noticed they ran the same newscast for three days running.

The cut in news coverage is good news for fans of Miranda, Mrs Browns Boys and Keeping Up Appearances, as the station plans to increase the number of episodes they show, in the mistaken belief that this ‘cheers everyone up’.

The accountants are delighted, by furloughing the higher paid staff, they can save enough money to fund the licence fees for the over 75’s. “Winner, winner, chicken dinner” said Ian.