Monkey Life

Boris Johnson insists that Dominic Raab retake his Geography GCSE

There is some doubt about The Foreign Secretary’s qualification for such an important Cabinet position. Originally awarded a passing grade in Geography, his confusion over Wales position in the UK, and the strategic importance of Dover in Anglo-European trade has called this grading into question.

A sad Dominic Raab returns to school

Facing allegations that Raab is not qualified for his position as Foreign Secretary, Boris is taking swift action. Mr Raab will take a GCSE refresher course on the constitution of Britain. This will ensure he can distinguish between foreign and not foreign countries.   

Dominic will join students at the Jesus H Christ School, where his first assignment will be to find it.  

“There is a lot of work to do. It’s not just the make-up of the UK that needs covering, his basic map reading skills leave a lot to be desired. His school record shows that; he couldn’t find his arse with both hands, he once got lost in a corner, and he had to be rescued after becoming stuck up the wrong creek, sans paddle.” said his new teacher.

If the exercise proves successful, Priti Patel will enrol in Primary Mathematics, and Matt Hancock will take over as milk monitor.

Priti Patel UFC Fighter

“Where is that? France? “

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