People are asked to stay at least 2 meters away from the Daily Mail, and their readers.
The Government wants people to stay alert. As the lockdown lifts, chances of accidental contact with The Daily Mail may increase to dangerous levels.
Experts believe that exposure to The Daily Mail may cause the sudden onset of ignorance, intolerance and hate-filled, right-wing, bigotry.
Gillian Napton’s infection occurred at Dr Patel’s surgery. “Someone had left it on a table, hidden beneath a copy of Woman’s Weekly… a child could have picked it up.”
One glimpse of the headline was enough, I couldn’t stop myself reading it. It’s the fault of those dying immigrants, working on the NHS frontline without proper PPE. They’re the reason Gran died of Corona Virus. Now the liberal elite wants to control me by making me stand outside, applauding these hard-working, self-sacrificing, tax-paying, benefit-scrounging, granny killers.
Mrs Napton, sobbing snowflake
Following her exposure to The Daily Mail, Mrs Napton’s doctor prescribed a course of meditation, a Guardian subscription and a box set of Louie Theroux interviews. Gillian also carries a photo of cute baby animals so that when she feels hateful, a quick peek at the picture calms her down.
Scientists hope that maintaining a safe distance and being extra vigilant will avoid the dreaded ‘second spike’ in incidents of racism, homophobia and widespread hatred of people called Meghan.
Daily Mail readers claim this infringes their human rights, restricts their freedom and is akin to the imposition of a fascist state. Matt Hancock thanked them for their support saying “It’s the least we could do.”
Perhaps now, Britain will be able to return to the open, friendly, caring and tolerant society it once was.
Farage Riots – Season Two ‘Not as good as the original,’ says TV Critic
This summer brought season two of the hit series The Farage Riots to our screens. The new series aired relentlessly on all the major news channels. As the nation continued to scroll through online shopping apps on their phones, reporters came in their pants with excitement as cheap tracksuit-wearing football fans set about burning down…
Nigel Farage Misses Gold at Hide-and-Seek Championship
He may be slipperier than an eel in an oil tanker but even Nigel Mirage can catch Donald Trump!
“Poor people must work harder!” says Farage
“Work harder” says Frottage. “Don’t you mean work smarter?”. “No, I ahd it right the first time.”
Categories:Monkey Life, Monkey News
The Chatty Chimp 