Tue. Oct 20th, 2020
Drones On

The Government is supplementing its “Strung Out!” initiative targeting illegal lockdown parties. A new initiative called “Drone On!” has been developed to break up gatherings that break the “Rule of Six”.

Inspired by Ron Weasley’s “Howler” letter in the popular “Harry Potter” book series, the new system will use drones to disperse gatherings of seven or more people.

AI technology developed by Agrada (the mutant AI of the A level grading fiasco) snoops mobile phones to detect gatherings, or responds to someone grassing up their neighbours; it then dispatches “howler drones” to the gathering. When the drone arrives, it uses infrared video to confirm more than six warm bodies are present then delivers a loud verbal e-bollocking until the participants disperse.

Early trials of the system were not without their problems. In one case a dog walker was chased for five miles by a drone that mistook her six dogs for people.

It was horrible. I was out walking the hounds when suddenly I was dive-bombed by a shouty drone; It chased us for miles. I tried driving it away by throwing bags of dog poo at it, but one hit the rotors and the shit really hit the fan.

Amber Ulate, Dog Walker

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By Simian MacAque

Simian, sits and looks at the world and wonders, how the hell did they become the dominant species?

The Chatty Chimp, where we don't do fake news, all our stories are 100% made up!