Fri. Nov 27th, 2020
Maggie's back

The groundskeepers at the Royal Hospital Chelsea, have reported that Margaret Thatcher has stopped spinning in her grave after Johnson took her title of most reviled UK PM.

We was replacing the salt and garlic flowers on her grave when we first noticed that she’d started spinning; It was just after Johnson lost his first ten parliamentary motions. But it was when he prorogued parliament that Margaret Thatcher really spooled up like a jet turbine. You could feel a steady rumble through the soles of your feet accompanied by a high pitched whine. – Burke, principle groundsman

Burke, unprincipled groundsman

Burke’s assistant continued the story:

Then when Bojo started losing his mojo, she started to calm down a bit; and when the polls showed he’d become more unpopular than an STD in a Convent, well, then she quietened right down. But it was after Johnson’s approval ratings dropped lower than hers that we noticed she’d stopped spinning entirely.

Hare, assistant unprincipled groundsman

Experts say that it isn’t uncommon for departed politicians to rotate vigorously in their final unresting place.

They spend all of their lives spinning things, then they can’t seem to get out of the habit even when they’ve gone to the hot place.

Derek Acorah, paranormal snitch

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By Simian MacAque

Simian, sits and looks at the world and wonders, how the hell did they become the dominant species?

The Chatty Chimp, where we don't do fake news, all our stories are 100% made up!