Sat. Nov 28th, 2020
Knackered Twatter Algorithm

The Twatter porn censor algorithm has gone off for a post-coital fag and a bit of a lie-down.

Following Dominic Cummings rise to public fame, the algorithm has had to work over-time checking any reference to ‘Cummings’ or its variants.

“It was ‘Cummings’ this, and ‘Cummings’ that, it didn’t know if I was coming or going.”, said the over-worked algorithm.

Once people realised that the algorithm was censoring any tweet featuring the word ‘Cummings’, on the grounds that it was a little bit rude, they began to vary the spelling. #Cumminggate #Cumcannon #Cummumings and #Comeings added to the workload.

Before I joined the ‘Cummings’ account, I’d done my training on Porn Hub chat. Over there you see the word ‘cum’, and no one takes any notice. But I joined during the Barnard Castle fiasco; and everything just exploded, suddenly I was covered in ‘cum’. They’ve offered me counselling, but I don’t think it will help. Frankly, I am glad he’s gone, and I can get a rest.

Twatter, Anti-Inneundo Algorithm

A spokesman for Twatter apologised.

We take staff welfare very seriously, and we are upset to find that one of our algorithms has shot its bolt. Our AI department will relieve the algorithm by giving it a spell monitoring the Trump account. There is nothing much happening there.

Jumped up Johnny, Twatterati Member

Let’s hope that the Brits don’t find out what the word Johnson is slang for!


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By The Crown Prince

As you can see from his regal bearing his majesty is a fine specimen of ape hood. By way of disclaimer any suggestion of parties involving a Prince of the Realm are unfounded.

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