Tue. Jan 25th, 2022
Trump in temper tantrum

West Wing staffers have leaked that Melaina has ‘let Donald leave his naughty step’ on the Whitehouse staircase, after he calmed down, stopped shouting and agreed to start the transition process.

Melania can be one scary woman when she wants to be: She put up with the tangerine’s temper tantrum for a few hours when it started on election night, but then something snapped. She marched him to the naughty step, handcuffed him to the bannister and banned his burgers and Kool-Aid. He’s been there ever since.

Rudi Mentary, West Wing Freeloader

The staffers have been told to strictly limit his intake of Covfefe and keep him away from foods with high beta carotene or sugar content until he finally detoxes and takes a nap. As yet, nobody has been able to prise his phone from his grasp.

He may have tiny hands, but he’s keeping an incredibly strong grip on his phone, if not reality.

Dr Pepper Quinine, personal physician

The word on the Wing is that nanny has been told to take the counting beads off of his cot and hide the toy abacus so that he doesn’t get triggered again when he returns to the nursery.


By Simian MacAque

Simian, sits and looks at the world and wonders, how the hell did they become the dominant species?

The Chatty Chimp, where we don't do fake news, all our stories are 100% made up!