Tue. Jun 22nd, 2021

Exhorting anyone who would listen that the contents of the song had no place in modern-day society, sanctimonious bore Paul Richardson took the festive favourite Baby, It’s Cold Outside to task once again earlier today – this time for its egregious flouting of coronavirus restrictions around Christmastime.

In a tradition dating back to at least 20 B.C. (Before Covid), Mr Richardson criticised the yuletide standard for its “unbelievably offensive lyrics”, urging the public to “wake up” to the insidious anti-lockdown subtext hidden within. Richardson chastised the song for promoting household mixing within a tier 3 area, as well as holding hands, which could easily transmit the virus. 

When I caught the slightest whiff of anti-political correctness in this 70-year-old sentimental duet, I began frothing at the mouth immediately,” said Richardson, stroking his immaculately curated beard whilst feeding carrots to his high horse. “I expect my popular culture to reflect the social mores of the 21st century, no matter how long ago it was released. Context, nuance and common sense pale in the face of my mighty internet outrage.

Paul Richardson, Sanctimonious Bore

Mr Richardson was taking time out of his busy schedule of posting black squares on Instagram and scribbling out the bad words in The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn to address the most pressing issue of our time. 

I hope all the folx involved in the production of this heinously Covidist, sexist, and presumably transphobic monstrosity burn in hell, which I – of course – do not believe in. If you listen to this song, you are literally slaughtering the elderly.

Merry Christmas

Late Update – Baby, It’s Cold Outside reprimanded for ableist undercurrent by a woman without any disabilities 

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By Dan Flanagan

One of the younger members of the troop, his sharp eye, cutting commentary and abundant talent has put the old chimps into a sulk.

The Chatty Chimp, where we don't do fake news, all our stories are 100% made up!