Millions of limping parents are stepping up to sue the Danish Lego company, over injuries caused by their plastic bricks.

We have seen a huge number of patients, mainly with foot injuries from standing on the plastic peril. But there have been other incidents: Mr Colin Butt was traumatised after failing to notice a model of a space rocket that his son had dropped in the outdoor jacuzzi. Apparently, it was supposed a moonshot but missed and hit Uranus. Mr Butt has said he doesn’t want to attempt reentry.

Dr Strangeglove, proctologist

The Chimp has conducted its own scientifically insignificant investigation with “The Great Kolendar”, a stage escapologist renowned for his bed of nails act. We asked Kolendar to try lying on a bed of six hundred Lego bricks. Immediately after lying down, he yelled the magic word “ooyabastidfookinell” before he leapt into the air and disappeared. We think the only thing punctured was his ego.

Lego’s lawyers have dismissed the case made by the claimants as being “a bit lame” and suggested that they need to “tread carefully”. However, the claimants’ lawyers shot back by saying that Lego are “bricking it” and should engage in “constructive” negotiation.