Sat. May 21st, 2022
Happy Fish

Opinion polls indicate that happy British Fish are more likely to vote Conservative following Scientists predictions of a dramatic increase in fish stocks.

The fish are not just happy, they’re ecstatic.

The news that BREXIT controls have ended fish exports to the EU and so the UK fishing fleet is stopping in port is tremendous news. We only have to avoid our natural predators now.

Alfie Bass. a fish

But KIPPERS are up in arms and point out there is a downside.

We are expecting an increase in illegal fish immigration to British waters, as European fish seek refuge from the EU trawler fleet. We don’t want foreign fish coming over here claiming asylum. If there was room in the asylums, we’d be in them.

Harry Langoustine, raving basket case

The government has said that the scale of the problem has been overstated and that these are just teething problems.

This is a short term phenomenon. When free-market forces have brought about a natural rightsizing of the UK fleet, we’ll be able to sell off the remaining quotas to the Europeans and import the fish from them. Well also have the benefit of reducing diesel emissions from the UK fleet to zero: No boats means no emissions you see.

Sir Pettigrew Grifter, government shill

By Simian MacAque

Simian, sits and looks at the world and wonders, how the hell did they become the dominant species?

The Chatty Chimp, where we don't do fake news, all our stories are 100% made up!