Sat. Jul 2nd, 2022

The PM is resisting calls to sack Sir Geoffrey Cox QC, beach dweller and tireless servant of the well-off.

It seems that when it comes to trousering cash from the public purse, Sir Geoff is one of the best.

“He is one of the country’s hardest-working MP’s”, said one spokesman, before adding, “And sometimes he even turns up at the House of Commons to use the free WiFi.”

His colleagues were quick to defend him. They claim that he brings a wealth of experience to The House and everyone is better off because of it.

The experience he brings is that of the dispenser of legal advice on the use of off-shore tax havens, in particular, the British Virgin Islands. It seems this has certainly made his Conservative colleagues better off.

Even the PM waded in, claiming that old Coxy has worked tirelessly throughout his term in office.

“I can’t think of anyone who has worked harder while on a Caribbean beach, drinking rum daiquiris. And I should know, I’ve had several goes at it myself, it’s exhausting.”

Boris Johnson, fellow beach dweller and cash hoover

Reports, this week, praised Sir Trousers Cash’s ability to multi-task. Whether it’s joining in a parliamentary vote from a Caribbean Hotel or chairing a Zoom call with his clients from his cabinet office, this legendary workhorse is tireless.

It is not just in legal matters that he is tireless. The old Coxer is so busy working he doesn’t have time to sleep. He has generously allowed the public to pay for his second home, while he rents out his London flat to someone less well off. He is all heart.

Meanwhile, Dominic Raab rushed to his defence by claiming that it was up to the voters in his constituency to decide if the Coxster was fit to be their MP, but as this was an elite Southern ward, they’re fine with it. Sir Geoff told him to shut up, as he isn’t helping.

We did ask the Labour Party for comment, but then we thought, what’s the point?

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