Fri. Oct 22nd, 2021

Christmas is under threat as a source close to Santa warned that old white beard may not be able to deliver toys to deserving children this year.

Speaking from Lapland, the panicked source told me “COVID is a flaming nightmare”.

“We’re struggling with staff as we just can’t get the vaccines up here.   The factory is huge and social distancing means the little workers are spread all over the ruddy shop, so its taking ages to make one present. We don’t know if we’ll get them all made, wrapped up and onto the sled. My little legs are knackered!’

Ed the Elf, Penny Whistle Blower

Shaking with emotion, the bell on his little pointy hat tinkling constantly, he complained

“The reindeers can’t get the food supplies to keep them going, Rudolf is suffering from long covid – you should see his nose while Donner and Blitzen are having to self isolate as they have asthma and classed as vulnerable”

“You just can’t make it up.  SC (Santa Claus) is having kittens.  He’s trying to get staff but nobody can travel so that up the spout and don’t even get him started on how many Covid passports he’s having to organise just to be able to get down a buggering chimney!’

There was fury at PMQ’s when the prime minister blundered

“Toy stores throughout the country have a plentiful supply toys to meet demand.  Let’s face it, Santa doesn’t even exist. It’s turkeys and sprouts we’ve to worry about!”

Boris Johnson, Prime Minister

By Plummy

Plummy, as you can see from his picture, is aptly named.

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