Monkey Life

Graham Brady receives letters of no confidence in Liz Truss

In breaking news, we can reveal that Sir Graham Brady (Chair of the 1922 Committee) received letters of no confidence in Liz Truss before the result of the Tory Leadership campaign was announced.

One letter read, “Please make it stop, have you no shame? How is this going to make anything better? We used to be a great country. Now look at us; we are a laughing stock. Children are starving, businesses are closing, and our constituents can’t heat their homes, and you want these problems solved by a barely literate moron! Are you lot fukin mad?”

Boris Johnson denied claims that he sent in the first letter, “Look, spaffwomble cum splatterbus, et nullus domunque.” He said helpfully.

Speaking off the record, one MP said, “What’s the point? We aren’t going to get re-elected; quite frankly, we are lucky that the general public doesn’t take us out and shoot us. All that’s left is to get our hands on as much dosh as possible.”

As more letters pour in, Liz Truss is odds-on to be the shortest serving PM in recent history, and she may become the first Prime Minster to lose a vote of no confidence before being elected. It would take 54 letters of no confidence to start the whole sorry business again. Reports that Boris Johnson has had a new photocopier installed, are as yet, unconfirmed.

Meanwhile, Liz Truss did receive one positive message of support after the comedian James Acaster took to Sunday Morning television to say what faith he has in everything she says and that she is the right person to lead the country. Joe Lycett was unavailable for comment,

Meanwhile, your government continues.