The world’s fastest growing car company set up their European base in Germany, not Britain because of Brexit. It’s like Musk doesn’t know we won the war!
Musk says ‘Tesla Ich bin ein Binliner’
Boris Johnson Attempts To Abolish Australia
Boris Johnson has decided to finally resolve the Australia issue by engaging in inherent racism and poorly judged stereotypes before annexation
Driver accused of killing the planet by having a full tank of petrol
Driver commits the environmental sin of ‘tanking’, where running with a full tank burns more fuel than using just enough petrol to get to your destination.
Boris sends his favourite bath-sponge to help the people of South Yorkshire
Boris Johnson’s responds to the flooding crisis in South Yorkshire by sending his favourite bath-sponge. They aren’t Tory consituencies, so why bother?
ELO’s Jeff Lynne Is Excited To Be Returning To His Alien Homeworld
As he plans his return to his home world, Jeff Lynne wonders how we never realised he was a space alien. The clues were all there!
Boris Johnson To Outlaw Furniture Following Popular Sky News Chair’s General Election Run
Boris Johnson has been losing ground to the Sky News Office Chair and has responded by outlawing furniture. Meanwhile The Chair’s popularity increases daily
Sky News Office Chair To Run In General Election
The Sky News Office Chair is to run in the General Election. Since out performing James Cleverly in a recent interview, the chair’s popularity has soared.
God’s message to humanity
After an American Congressman said “Don’t worry, God will sort out climate change”, God responded.”Last time I was here it was a paradise. Now look at it!”
James Bond has his licence to kill revoked
Mr Bond has had his licence to kill revoked. No longer will he be allowed to kill, blow up undersea bases or sleep with women.
The Conservative Party Apology Template (GE19 Edition)
Once again the Tory party has managed to offend just abouit everyone who is not a party member. Here is the party’s apology template, for daily use.
Teachers claim “there are not enough hours in the day” so the DfE has increased the day to 27 hours
In its relentless drive to make teachers lives more miserable, the DfE has added 3 extra hours to the day, claiming that ‘now there are enough hours’.
“Sorry, forget my own head next” says Jacob Rees-Mogg
Even though the Election isn’t underway the strain is clearly telling on JRM. Thinking he was discussing Brexit, it turned out to be Grenfell. Juggins!
The Chatty Chimp 