Monkey News

Southern Fail regret to announce two months of delays and cancellations due to the unexpected arrival of autumn

National embarrassment of a rail company, Southern Fail, have regretfully announced that because of leaves on the line, train travellers can expect a continued programme of misery, despair and all around crappiness.

This weeks excuse is because of the unexpected arrival of autumn.

Colin Collingwood, said, “Obviously, we meet to assess risks to the smooth running of the rail network, but unfortunately we missed autumn. When we were brainstorming likely impacts on train travel but we didn’t look at the calendar. Autumn, who’d have thought it!”

As the company didn’t expect leaves on the line, they remain magnificently underprepared for annual shedding.

One frustrated commuter said, “You just reach the stage where you’re past caring. There is nothing more they can do to you. Every year we have leaves on the line but this year ‘they forgot’. W**kers”

Southern Fail have just announced that a leaf has fallen off a tree just outside Horley, they expect it will be 48 hours before a man can walk out there and pick it up.

“Turns out the accountants think this oversight is really useful, it gives us an extra two months of excuses where we can say delays and cancellations aren’t our fault. This will save us a fortune on ‘delay repay’, although, we’ve been saving a lot on that since we took on that chap from Squeezyjet.” said Colin.

When asked what plans Southern Fail had for winter. “Winter, that’s the one that comes after Autumn? Well, we usually go with the wrong type of rain or snow.”

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