Southern Rail says it has been forced to cancel some existing services and delay some trains due the unforeseen winter snow falling in the North of Scotland.

Ian Napton, a spokesperson for Southern Rail explained, “I know it seems unlikely, but the sudden and unexpected snow in the North of Scotland causes tremors in the rail network web, these ripples cast out like ripples in a pond, and eventually leading to disruption to train services in the far south of the country.”

Passengers, who have just been hit by a 3.1% increase in rail costs, claim that Southern Rail isn’t even trying to cover up its shoddy performance anymore.

One angry passenger said, “That’s Bollocks! What’s it from? Zen and the Art of not running a Railroad. Winter Snow in Scotland happens every year, that’s why they have ski resorts, and it doesn’t affect trains running down here.”

Responding for Southern Fail, Ian explained, “Passengers have no understanding of the workings of our modern rail network, it’s integrated. To be honest, we’d prefer to cancel service as running trains in the winter is a real ball ache. It’s not like Grayling is going to do anything anyway.”

He went on to explain that if the current unexpected seasonal weather patterns; snow in Winter, rain and wind in Spring, Sun in Summer and fallen leaves in Autumn, carry on commuters can expect all kinds of disruption.