Previously considered to only be a theoretical possibility, researchers were delighted to have found examples of a new naturally occurring mineral, Brexshite.

Large clusters of the new mineral were found in several areas of the country. The likelihood of naturally occurring Brexshite was previously dismissed on the basis that even if it did exist it would be in such small quantities that no-one need worry about it. Mr Cameron’s experiments to prove that there were no meaningful naturally occurring supplies of Brexshite were ill-founded.

Brexshite is a brown and lumpy amalgam with a variable density and texture, coming in both soft and hard forms. Uncommonly for an ore, it releases an unpleasant odour when touched. The mineral’s poisonous qualities have caused many people to run away from the overpowering stench, screaming “Oh no, not again!”.

Investors believe the discovery will lead to new money-making opportunities. It’s hoped that interest in Brexshite will revitalise the ailing healing crystal industry, with its strange ability to bring on a lovely warm feeling of nostalgia thought to be extremely marketable.

Many politicians are hoping to utilise Brexshite’s revolutionary non-stick properties. Similar alloys, such as; Bullshite, Gobshite and Dogshite are noted for having the opposite effect, often being defined by their ability to stick to everyday items, such as blankets, fans and shoes.

As nothing seems to stick to messers Johnson, Farage and Gove, researchers are particularly keen to establish if they have recently come into contact with Brexshite.  

Meanwhile Brexit continues.