Political opponents of Boris Johnson have taken lessons from the Prime Minister himself and decided it’s no longer necessary to be fair, transparent or truthful.
In the knowledge that at the last General Election, Johnson coasted home in his Uxbridge and South Ruislip constituency with more votes than all of the other candidates combined, the other parties have decided that this can’t be allowed to happen again and that it would be particularly delicious if the Old Etonian lost his seat altogether next time. To facilitate this, they have decided to run just one independent candidate against him on an “I’m not Boris” ticket. The lucky fellow is Ian Napton and he will enjoy the support of everybody who isn’t a brainwashed Tory.
“I don’t need any actual policies,” Napton told us. “I just need not to be Boris Johnson. I think I have a pretty good chance of winning.”
Politicians, the press and the public have been impressed by the simplicity of the plan, and senior figures in The Labour Party are considering looking for a similar candidate to run against their own Leader. “We need to get rid of Corbyn somehow. We’ll never be elected otherwise,” said one former Labour Leader, who wished to remain anonymous. “We need to be ‘a bit more Tory’ and ‘more open to war’ if we want to become electable again.”
Speculation is rife that even if Johnson loses his seat in the strict technical sense that Napton receives more votes than him, he will still declare himself the winner and carry on as PM, regardless of which Party wins most seats.
“It’s looking a close run contest,” Laura Kuenssberg told BBC News viewers. “It’s really quite impossible to predict whether Boris or Frank Lampard can remain in their job for longer than the other.”
Inspired by the woeful performance of our politicians and our dissatisfaction with their performance we’ve created a tee shirt to express our feelings. The slogan is the Hashtag symbol, followed by NoTA, the acronym standing for None of The Above. It’s available in a range of colours via the following link. #NoTA tee shirt