Wed. Oct 21st, 2020

A leading travel company, have launched a ‘unique middle-class pilgrimage package’, in order to assuage ‘uncomfortable feelings of abundance, in the climate of austerity.’

Inspired by Britpop artist Jarvis Cocker, the ‘Common People Excursion’, offers tangible experiences of ‘poverty shopping’, where ‘class tourists’ attempt to buy a week’s groceries for four with £30, learn to pack fifty items per minute in non-tote bags and queue for half an hour to park their SUVs in tiny parking bays.

One satisfied customer reported, ‘It’s truly enlightening. Nothing personifies hopelessness more than standing in an Aldi queue, ten people deep on a Monday afternoon. My wife no longer complains, if her spelt loaf isn’t available in Waitrose.’

Premium packages include an overnight stay in a damp infested high rise, with an excursion to the local food bank, to provide the evening meal.

Tour promoters feel they’ve responded well, to the ‘growing trend for authentic expeditions, to indigenous people, to gain a true understanding of their culture.’

Sightseers, however, are ‘strongly discouraged’ to engage in conversation with working-class natives, as they can often display ‘territorial behaviour’, particularly if you make ‘direct eye contact’ with them.

If you are interested in any of the ‘blue-collar safaris’, please visit pompouspricks.com

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By Lady Tamsyn Marie

Lady Tamsyn Marie elegant, charming and more vicious than Mary Poppins

The Chatty Chimp, where we don't do fake news, all our stories are 100% made up!