Doctor Who actor and Richard E. Grant’s fictional best pal Paul McGann has revealed the secret to why he still looks pretty good at sixty – because he is actually a time traveller.
The former Doctor Who, who turned sixty last Thursday, confirmed that he was born in the year thirty-two-thousand and has been kicking about the 21st century due to the future being “sh*te”, his career being stagnant, and Brexit still going on.
In the tell-all interview, Mr McGann also revealed that he is good friends with alien high priest Jeff Lynne, who also doesn’t age due to his interplanetary heritage, and Keanu Reeves – the vessel of God’s wrath transplaced throughout time and space in a never-aging body to bring judgement to all, before deciding to change his career and star in cult sci-fi and action movies.
“When I saw that they were looking for someone back in the nineties to play Doctor Who,” McGann told us, “I thought, that’s the perfect gig! I already am a time traveller, so there’ll be no need to go method, plus – it means I can play the Doctor forever!”
Paul McGann unfortunately only played The Doctor on TV once in 1996, with a cameo in 2013. He has, however, portrayed the time traveller on audio since the early 2000s.
“Yes, rather typical,” he continued, “I can look this good forever but I’m trapped in audio where no one actually sees my face!”
McGann also recently took on a role in Holby City, just so people could see that he still exists and DOES NOT AGE.
“Yeah, I know Paul,” Jeff Lynne confirmed following our interview last week where he revealed that he was really from Hydra, the fifth moon of Pluto, “He’s been promising to take me back to my own planet for a couple of decades now but keeps getting distracted by audio projects or doing the narration for nature documentaries.”
“I f*cking hate ELO,” McGann stated, “I’ve been trying to take Jeff Lynne back to his own planet for decades, just to stop him making the stuff, but I keep getting distracted by audio projects or doing the narration for nature documentaries.”
“He gives me anxiety,” Mr Lynne added, “Not because he’s sixty and doesn’t have to dye his hair, but because anytime I see a police box on a street corner, I sh*t myself thinking it’s him and hope he’s finally come to take me out of f*cking Birmingham.”
Meanwhile in the year thirty-two-thousand, Brexit continues.
Categories:Entertainment, Monkey Life, Science