After his recent and very banal interview, when BoJo expressed an apparent love affair with Marmite, the much awaited resultant referendum has taken place. The results have caused serious ructions within the Tory establishment.

Options given to the voting public were deceptively simple – do you love it (remain on the table) or hate it (leave it with the garbage). The results go to show that simple questions don’t always result in the expected answers.

In the results just announced turnout was around 70% of eligible voters and about 52% voted love it saying that that Marmite should remain in their cupboard. 48% said hate it and that it should be consigned to the rubbish bin. Remarkably 30% of eligible voters didn’t care enough to vote. In percentages the vote was very similar to the Brexit referendum but with an opposite outcome – what irony! It is believed that older people skewed the vote as young people have no idea what Marmite is.

Legislation will now be brought in to make Marmite compulsory on all breakfast tables not just in Premier Inns, but the EURGGH group of Tory MPs is unwilling to accept the will of the British people suggesting that Boris was tricked. He believed the question was “who loves you most” and honestly answered “Ma Might”. He has no idea what the nasty brown stuff is although he spouts enough of it. In a late twist, spokesman for EURGGH. Jacob Rees-Mogg (Missing In Action) answered “Nanny Might” to the same trick question.

Spokesman for Marmite, Ian “lovely on toast” Napton said that he was delighted with the result and looked forward to a Nation being forced to eat Marmite sandwiches.

Meanwhile Brexit continues………