After the discovery of the Coronavirus in Britain, another new medical condition has also come to light. The Department of Health is concerned that this potentially serious new virus could spread rapidly. One of the first known sufferers, Ian Napton, explains.

“I felt really unwell, positively sick, in fact. I went to the doctors and was asked what seemed to be the trouble. I said I appeared to have completely lost my voice. The doctor said that plainly wasn’t the case as she could hear every word I said.

I said, no, doctor, you don’t understand. I’ve lost my voice. I voted to remain in the EU in 2016 but I wasn’t listened to. Then at the 2017 general election, I didn’t want Theresa May getting back in, so I voted Lib Dem. Nobody listened. With the benefit of hindsight, I can understand that. Then last year, I really didn’t want Boris to get back in. I was willing to accept anyone else, even Jeremy Corbyn, so I voted for him. Nobody listened. I’ve definitely lost my voice.”

A spokesman for the Health Secretary, Matt Hancock, said, “Cases have been reported in most parts of the country. We’re concerned that millions of people are showing symptoms, although since none of the victims voted for us, we don’t need to care too much.”

A spokesman for the EU told us, “Ah, yes. Well, you see, democracy’s all right until you give it to the people.”

Meanwhile, Brexitvirus is expected to continue for about 25 years, until all the current old people are dead.