Social scientists at Credulous College are baffled as to why the first Monday in February should be the day most people call in sick. It has become known as National Sickie Day.

Data analysis has revealed that across the country hundreds of thousands of people declare the day a write-off and take to their beds.

Initially, the boffins wondered if it was simply a statistical anomaly based on random chance. One day, logically, would have a higher rate of sickness than any other. However, the first Monday numbers were so much greater that they didn’t fit nicely onto the graph, therefore an alternative explanation was required.

Next, the team examined patterns of flu and disease dispersal, summer and winter illness trends and even school term times. None of this provided an answer. So they resorted to a series of in-depth studies, which involved asking people why they had taken the day off. The scientists then attempted to categorise the responses to see if an underlying trend could be identified. Unfortunately, the data set was so widely dispersed, no firm conclusions could be drawn. For example, excuses amongst their own team included; the loss of a third grandmother, an unfortunate accident with a potato and 24 people had picked up a mysterious short term illness defined by tiredness, headaches and mild nausea.

In desperation, the scientists are asking for your help. Do you know why the first Monday after payday, and following the end of dry January, should have the highest rates of skivery? Answers on a postcard please.