Ian and Gillian Napton were devastated when their son, Oliver, returned from University.

When their pride and joy left the nest, for a three-year degree course in Livestock Management at Aberystwyth University, they were naturally disappointed. However, their sadness was short-lived once they discovered the joys of an empty house.

“It was the complete sense of freedom, we felt like we were twenty again. Once we realised that we could do anything, we were at it all the time. There was no more having to be quiet! Gillian could scream like a banshee and no-one minded.” Said Ian.

Middle-age hasn’t been like sitting in God’s waiting room, watching daytime TV. They’ve joined a gym, taken on a healthy diet and arranged an endless supply of little blue pills. Now, Ian and Gillian claim their sex life is better than it has ever been.

“I felt I was beautiful again, that I was still a desirable woman rather than just a mother. I also discovered I liked being a ‘naughty girl’. Isn’t Pornhub educational? I’ve had to get a new wardrobe, just for the uniforms.” explained Gillian.

However, their revels were shattered by the return of Oliver, complete with the bags of washing and a passion for socialism.

Asked about his parents re-discovered youth, “It’s disgusting, my parents don’t have sex. They are old, yuk! Don’t talk about it!” he said, before locking himself in the bathroom and taking another very long shower.