A football-style transfer market has been suggested for politicians, some of whom are looking nervously over their shoulders.

The well-known cock-up artist and habitual liar, Boris Johnson, Prime Minister of Great Britain, leads the free transfer market, as no other country, not even America, is willing to take him off Britain’s hands.

At the other end of the market, in a country where Coronavirus deaths have now surged up to 22, New Zealand’s PM, Jacinda Ardern, is hotly sought-after property. Only the oil-rich nations of the Middle East are thought to be able to afford what would be an astronomical transfer fee for her, but it’s anticipated they might have difficulty accepting her demands on areas such as the use of the death penalty and allowing women to show their faces in public.

On the plus side for Britain, it’s thought they’ll be able to demand a considerable fee for any Arab nation bidding for Priti Patel

Interest in Patel shows that it’s not just state leaders who could be up for grabs. Lesser ministers could also be in the spotlight, too. The market for foreign ministers with questionable international geography could be an interesting one, and the European market for health ministers seems a potentially lively one, too, with fierce bidding for anyone with a German-sounding name.

Elsewhere, with Coronavirus deaths and civil unrest spreading simultaneously across the United States of America, President Donald Trump’s value on the international market is low, although he has denounced this as fake news, insisting he’s doing a great job and would command a tremendous fee.

President Donald Trump’s value on the international market is low, although he has denounced this as fake news, insisting he’s doing a great job and would command a tremendous fee.

As is the case with football, any leaders losing their jobs mid-term will likely see their assistants sacked, too. Dominic Cummings is working hard to keep Boris in place for the time being.

Meanwhile, the world continues.