Have you always wanted to lord over your very own country, but didn’t know where to start? Vladislav Pupin has the program for you! Like you, he wanted to rule over the lesser beings, so he came up with a fool-proof plan!
If you join our program today, you’ll get:
- A step-by-step guide on how to put a thriving economy in the toilet.
- Scripts to deliver speeches specifically designed to polarize your soon-to-be slaves.
- Facebook Tech support, to feed your supporters more conspiracy theories than you can dream of.
- We’ll train your management team – they’ll go from speaking against you to bootlicking sycophants overnight!
- We even provide emergency phone support, for those nights you’re hiding in a bunker, too afraid to even turn on the lights.
We’ve taken all the guesswork out of transforming your government into a dictatorship. Just follow our simple guide, and you too can be emperor of your own domain. Just listen to this testimonial!
“I was a horrible failure as a businessman, husband, and father. I was such a train wreck that they gave me a show on reality TV. But with this program, I was able to ignore the Constitution (which I didn’t read anyway,) seat unqualified lickspittles in the judiciary, and make millions! Phone support is great! Vlad was my rock, that night I called crying about the peasants revolting. I highly recommend this program!” –Donald T.
Call today and get your very own personalized bags of asbestos (while supplies last).
This is a paid advertisment on behalf of Vlad Putin Power Enterprises Ltd, where no country is too small for us to make a killing, just look at the UK!
Farage Riots – Season Two ‘Not as good as the original,’ says TV Critic
This summer brought season two of the hit series The Farage Riots to our screens. The new series aired relentlessly on all the major news channels. As the nation continued to scroll through online shopping apps on their phones, reporters came in their pants with excitement as cheap tracksuit-wearing football fans set about burning down…
Nigel Farage Misses Gold at Hide-and-Seek Championship
He may be slipperier than an eel in an oil tanker but even Nigel Mirage can catch Donald Trump!
“Poor people must work harder!” says Farage
“Work harder” says Frottage. “Don’t you mean work smarter?”. “No, I ahd it right the first time.”
Categories:Monkey News
The Chatty Chimp 