Sat. May 21st, 2022

A Fantasy theme park is being investigated by RSPCA and Trading Standards officials amid allegations that a rhinoceros was passed off as a unicorn. The theme park cannot be named for legal reasons, but the Chimp has obtained an exclusive interview with Mr Nye Aive who visited the park with his kids earlier in the week.

We suspected something was a bit unusual when we saw the unicorn. It was pink and glittery as advertised, but the skin looked suspiciously like spandex. We realised something was really wrong when It stood in front of our car and glared down at us. Then it lumbered around, lifted it’s tail and what came out wasn’t fairy dust, let’s just leave it at that.

Mr Nye Aive, exhausted father

Matters came to a head two days ago, when the Fire Service was called to cut a family out of their Volvo Hatchback after the ‘unicorn’ had engaged with it. Apparently the animal had become aroused by the sound of the vehicle’s defective automatic transmission, which experts say sounded like the mating call of a receptive female rhino. Park wardens had knocked out the animal with a tranquilliser dart, but then couldn’t lift it off the back of the car.

The Fantasy Theme park in question has refused to comment.


By Simian MacAque

Simian, sits and looks at the world and wonders, how the hell did they become the dominant species?

The Chatty Chimp, where we don't do fake news, all our stories are 100% made up!