Tue. Jan 25th, 2022

The Chimp has discovered that a long lost Ealing comedy script has become government policy. The script was apparently rejected as a plot for a ‘Carry On’ film. But by means unknown, the draft script found its way into the hands of a political lobbying group, who mistook it for a plan and enacted it.

The premise of the plot is that a boisterous, ex public school, newspaper hack named Xander (who is also a bit of a ladies man) gets himself elected as Prime Minister. As the plot unravels, the main character blunders one fiasco to another, but somehow manages to avoid the consequences.

The plot is ruddy hilarious, you’d think it could never happen in real life, but it has.

Sid James Johnson, Carryonist

The plot starts when Xander realises that the newspaper articles he’s been writing have actually been taken seriously, regardless of their ever more ridiculous storylines. As his confidence grows he enters local government and his peers, seeing an opportunity to gain public approval, keep encouraging him.

In one scene, Xander is stuck hanging from a zip wire in a suit and climbing harness whilst waving union jack flags, when he is struck by inspiration. “Why not go for the big one? Become Prime Minister.” He quickly gathers supporters about him and starts to plot. Giving up a lucrative job as Mayor of London he launches his most ambitious scheme ever.

In a stupendous fanfare of razzle dazzle, Xander lands the top job and moves into Number 10. However, Xander’s allies soon realise they’ve lost control of him and Xander’s off on a toboggan run of serial catastrophes, broken promises, repeated scandals and endless holidays. As one national crises follows another, Xander dodges the consequences as others fall by the wayside.

The bit where he hides in a fridge to avoid his old tabloid acquaintances is priceless. Pure Ealing comedy.

Noted satiricist and political commentator, Philip Schofield

Critics of the script say that it was probably rejected as a film because the plot appeared so implausible. But they were apparently wrong; the public lapped it up and voted for it.

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By Simian MacAque

Simian, sits and looks at the world and wonders, how the hell did they become the dominant species?

The Chatty Chimp, where we don't do fake news, all our stories are 100% made up!