Mon. Jul 4th, 2022
Xmas without Uncle Jack

There was relief across the country as the Government confirmed that the Rule of Six would continue over Xmas.

Thank fuck for that. It means we won’t be able to have Uncle Jack over.

Uncle Jack’s long suffering brother

Every family has one relative who is a lazy, drunken opinionated arsehole, but because he’s family, you have to invite him. However, this year is different, social distancing rules mean that there is no room for him.

I grew up with him, so you kinda get used to it, but it’s not a picnic for the rest of the family. He just sucks anything positive out of the room. And opinions, the twat has an opinion on everything, they’re almost all wrong! I don’t know how he does it.

Uncle Jack’s very long-suffering brother

The rest of the family are equally relieved at the news.

It’s the one thing I hate about Christmas, getting stuck with Uncle Jack as he argues about politics. He goes on for hours, you eventually lose the will to live.

Uncle Jack’s nephew, Dan

Even Jack’s wife, Gillian, agrees.

I love him, I really do, but it is the same thing every year. I have to run interference, heading off the unsuspecting, the careless, and those who think they can win! It’s not like I can just go and enjoy myself. This will be a welcome rest for me too.

The very patient, Gillian

“Hopefully, this will be the new norm”, says another relieved relative.

Meanwhile, Xmas continues


By The Chatty Chump

Given his name by The Editor for good reason, although both parties refuse to speak of it. Lucky to still have a tyre swing.

The Chatty Chimp, where we don't do fake news, all our stories are 100% made up!