Fri. Nov 27th, 2020
Turn it off and on again

On Saturday, October 25th, the day the clocks go back, IT Technicians will turn Britain off and on again.

IT experts blame the UK’s problems on a Windows 2012 update that failed to load correctly.

Since its installation in 2012, the RunUk update has consistently malfunctioned. Following the initial install, everything appeared to work perfectly. Britain held a successful Olympic Games, we were the envy of the world, and almost everyone was happy and prosperous. Then things began to go wrong.

Colin, IT Support

At first, the glitches seemed minor. Reports emerged that ignorant, loud-mouthed wannabes were trying to stir up hatred. The steady rise of misguided patriotism, increasing economic inequality, TV Shows where the participants went on ‘a journey’ and Boris Johnson, made the problem worse. Things got so bad that Liverpool won the Premier League.

Tech support tried to apply patches, updates and reinstalls; Referendum V16, GE 2017, Grayling V2-18, GE2019 and Hancockup19, but they all failed to fix the problem.

As a last resort, the Google Happiness Fulfillment Engineers suggested turning the whole thing off and on again.

Normally this resets previously installed programmes; deletes cuckoos, and renders malware such as; Hopkins Bile, Farage Outrage and Morgans Organ obsolete. Sometimes it is the only thing you can do, to fix the problem.

April Sunshine, Google Nerd

The switch-off will happen at 1 in the morning. Undercover of night, and lock-down restrictions, engineers will flip the main off-switch and unplug Britain from the wall socket. After counting to 30, they’ll put the plug back in, and turn UK20 on again.

During the outage, people may notice a slight dimming of the lights, a moment of calm, and the steady whirr of wind turbines coming to a halt. The next day, the British people will able to put the last eight years down to a bad dream, caused by too much blue cheese, and get on with enjoying the Olympics.

Meanwhile, the Government Continues.


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By Id

Id, is a bit of a wild one

The Chatty Chimp, where we don't do fake news, all our stories are 100% made up!