Sat. Nov 28th, 2020
Don Corleone

Whitehall is alive with rumours that Vito “Don” Corleone is in the frame to replace Domaniac Cummings as Johnson’s consigliere.

Close friends of the Don say that he believes that the British Government is dragging organised crime into disrepute with their poor standards of loyalty and honour.

He’s gonna clean uppa the image. No more the woolly hat, hoodie and sneakers. The Don, he likes sharp Italian suits, starched cotton shirts, silk ties and shoes with spats.

Tony ‘Cutter’ Taylor

Corleone is said to be unhappy with the recruitment policy:

Misfits and weirdos don’t make good soldiers

and on the retirement benefits:

In my day, ‘retirement’ was a one way trip off a pier, not being made one.

On the subject of disloyalty, the Don has a forthright policy:

I make this very clear. Anybody that leak information to the press will be leaking in other ways soon after.

He’s also expressed a view about Russian interest in the UK’s foreign affairs:

We owe them too many favours and one day they are gonna call those favours in. Then we are gonna be in a Pritti fine mess.

But his take on the opposition is not what some have expected:

I might have to make them an offer they cannot refuse… another election.

The Chimps are very chilled… but not in a good way.

Meanwhile, the government continues


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By Simian MacAque

Simian, sits and looks at the world and wonders, how the hell did they become the dominant species?

The Chatty Chimp, where we don't do fake news, all our stories are 100% made up!