Sun. May 22nd, 2022
Pooh the Hunny addict

After the revelation of Paddington Bear checking into rehab for his marmalade addiction, another bruin is on the road to ruin. This time it’s Pooh.

Police have confirmed that Winnie the Pooh has been arrested and charged with Hunny Running.

The arrest followed a dawn raid on a number of locations in the 100 acre wood. The police mounted a sting operation, believed to be a form of hunny trap, to catch the sweet toothed teddy with his paw in the pot.

Pooh had been under suspicion of running hunny for some time and was arrested by undercover officers posing as dealers wanting to buy a consignment of “pure” from Pooh.

Dealers typically ‘cut’ pure hunny with sugar syrup or light treacle before selling it to their users.

The bloody stuff is evil man. The pushers, they get you using hunny coated cornflakes. Then they hook you on baklava. Before you realise what’s happening, you’re drizzling it over everything and taking it neat off a spoon. You finish up bouncing off the walls on permanent sugar high

Tigger, Hyperactive hunny addict

Pooh was arrested when he turned up at the meeting under the influence of his own product.

Mr Pooh had been drinking mead and had eaten several flapjacks. He was in a right sugar coma and ready for his afternoon nap. It was a classic case of Don’t get high on your own supply.

DCI ‘Dabby’ Sherbert

Pooh is expected in court later this month. If convicted, he faces several years doing porridge… without a sniff of hunny.


By Simian MacAque

Simian, sits and looks at the world and wonders, how the hell did they become the dominant species?

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