cooked food on stainless steel trayMonkey Business

Priti Patel opens Pop Up Taco Bar to help Ukrainian Refugees

Accused of not doing enough to help Ukrainian refugees fleeing from a brutal war, Priti Patel claims she should be made a saint for her humanitarian response.

I’d just like to repeat St Boris’s lie that no country has done more to help Ukrainian refugees than Little England. Not only have I ensured our safety by allowing exceedingly rich crooks, torturers and arms dealers to come here and generously donate to the Conservative Party, but I’ve also ensured none of the poorer people can get in.

St Priti the Pitiless

Speaking to the House about the increasing number of refugees claiming that they cannot get leave to come to the UK because of Home Office barriers, Priti confirmed that in an immediate response, 11 days after the invasion began, she has authorised the setting up of a pop-up bar in Calais.

You should see their faces light up when they see the salsa, guacamole and tortillas. The Mariachi Band really lifts their spirits. Of course, not everyone can afford £8 for a taco, but that is the market rate. If they think that is too expensive, they won’t like London.

Priti Patel, Bully

At least one MP asked, why didn’t you set up a proper pop-up processing centre? With Home Office staff to issue visa’s? To which she answered

Look, we have just spent the last 10 years telling everyone that foreigners are responsible for everything bad in the country and that we need to keep them out. How would it look if I suddenly allowed some of them to come here to find kindness, compassion and a place of safety? It would be electoral suicide.  

Priti Patel, Not a Bully, (I paid him because I did nothing wrong)

The Governments Defence

The Government are continuing with their defence, claiming that we cannot let in the sick, the frail and the elderly because they may be Russian spies. They are also denying that it is because Putin wouldn’t like it.

At least one commentator was left to wonder why would they bother sending in spies when they can simply buy whoever and whatever they want? And, given that Putin can poison a man in a Salisbury tea room just because he feels like it, what damage do they think an 80-year-old grandma in a wheelchair is going to do?

Meanwhile, Parliamentary colleagues condemned Priti Patel for being the callous, evil, heartless-bitch she is.

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