Thu. Jul 7th, 2022
Mark Francois Homunculus

Following Boris Johnson’s positive test, Mark Francois is to be the next Prime Minister

Downing Street sources quickly identified the touchy-feely Boris Johnson as the super-spreader. Consequently, everyone he has had contact with has been isolated, including all cabinet ministers. Now, the search for a new leader is on.  

There are two possible replacements, Mark Francois and Jacob Rees-Mogg.

Ever since Boris publicly sacked Jacob Rees-Mogg from the election campaign, he has been self-isolating at his Somerset mansion. Apparently, his failure to ‘connect with the people’ and his innate sense of entitlement, discounts him as a stand-in Prime Minister. 

Mark Francois, meanwhile, is out of favour because Boris sees him as a frightful oik. For obvious reasons, he remains one of the few MP’s Boris hasn’t touched. Despite early reservations about his uncultured nature, focus groups suggest that his stint as potato-peeler in chief for the Territorial Army fits in well with the War on Corona motif.  

Mark Francois
Mark Francois

Cabinet Secretary, Ian Napton said “Can I just say, this is not a case of scraping the barrel. He is the only man for the job. But I would like to reassure everyone that we aren’t going to let him do anything.”

“It’s like a fairy story, I can’t believe this is happening. Ever since I watched King Ralph, this has been my dream.” Said Mr Francois.

Cometh the hour, cometh the man.


By Sir Drinkalot

Once upon a time there was a very naughty little monkey. This little monkey was always to be found in the pub, when he should have been writing stories. Brains often had to go looking for Sir Drinkalot but Brains usually ended up stuck in the pub too.

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