Following Boris Johnson’s positive test, Mark Francois is to be the next Prime Minister

Downing Street sources quickly identified the touchy-feely Boris Johnson as the super-spreader. Consequently, everyone he has had contact with has been isolated, including all cabinet ministers. Now, the search for a new leader is on.  

There are two possible replacements, Mark Francois and Jacob Rees-Mogg.

Ever since Boris publicly sacked Jacob Rees-Mogg from the election campaign, he has been self-isolating at his Somerset mansion. Apparently, his failure to ‘connect with the people’ and his innate sense of entitlement, discounts him as a stand-in Prime Minister. 

Mark Francois, meanwhile, is out of favour because Boris sees him as a frightful oik. For obvious reasons, he remains one of the few MP’s Boris hasn’t touched. Despite early reservations about his uncultured nature, focus groups suggest that his stint as potato-peeler in chief for the Territorial Army fits in well with the War on Corona motif.  

Cabinet Secretary, Ian Napton said “Can I just say, this is not a case of scraping the barrel. He is the only man for the job. But I would like to reassure everyone that we aren’t going to let him do anything.”

“It’s like a fairy story, I can’t believe this is happening. Ever since I watched King Ralph, this has been my dream.” Said Mr Francois.

Cometh the hour, cometh the man.