Only days into social lock-down, one ‘troubled’ spouse candidly vowed, ‘to buy any bloody golf holiday’, of her husband’s choosing, once Covid-19 had abated.

Speaking, with a slight twitch, Gillian Napton confided, ‘I could just about cope with empty supermarket shelves, even running out of bog roll but living with him, after hearing his golf course was closed, has been living-hell.’

Continuing her plight, Napton mused, ‘Who knew that so many episodes of Grandstand could be digitally enhanced and aired continuously? It’s either that, or he sits hugging his clubs or polishing his golf shoes on the breakfast bar.’

Like many couples, the Naptons have been challenged by the perils of living in close proximity, in such unprecedented times. Impervious to his wife’s predicament, Ian Napton, defending himself told us, ‘I don’t see why my daily exercise can’t include a walk with my clubs on the course or why she got so angry, when I returned from my provision run, with three cases of artisan ale and a jumbo packet of bombay-mix?’

Attempting to look at the bright side, Gillian reported, ‘At least I haven’t got as much washing to do, as he’s become surgically attached to his dressing gown, which I’m sure will willingly self-combust, out of sheer desperation, before this pandemic ends!’

If this story has affected you, please feel free to apply Christmas rules to drinking- it definitely takes the edge off.