He has been a little under the weather lately. Concerns about his health surfaced when he noted his ambrosia tasted a little off. Feeling shivery with a dry cough and his sense of taste and smell is absent, Dr McCoy, G’s personal physician, has confined Our Lord to quarters, for the next two weeks.
The Pope, read the following letter, on The Almighty’s behalf. “I have shown some symptoms of Corona Virus. Although I am untested, Dr McCoy feels it would be prudent for me to self-isolate. The last thing heaven needs is an outbreak of Covid-19. As you know, we have a large number of elderly customers, and it would be irresponsible to risk their eternal peace. I would like to reassure the faithful that my symptoms are mild, but at 13.8 billion years of age one can never be too careful. Unfortunately, this means there will be a small interruption to our normal service. We apologise for the inconvenience but hope that you understand. See you on the other side, The Big G.”
God will remain incommunicado for fourteen days. While this situation persists, prayers will be unanswered, keys will remain lost and orgasms unsatisfied. It is fortuitous that all professional sport has been cancelled. Although, Jesus is unhappy. He has a big bet on Liverpool winning the title, and he’s not sure if this outbreak is just his Dad pulling his leg.
What Christ really said about the Christmas Market
“Mass market masses for the masses” said the Pope. “Get your blessings here! £10 a blessing. Hands laid on for free.” Said the Archbish of C.
Andrew debacles saves Reeves blushes
Meanwhile, as Andrew goes to live in penury in a Royal castle, Rachel admits paperwork is not her strong point.
Government to move asylum seekers, refugees, and immigrants to Hull
Unable to house people in hotels, the Government has resorted to moving them to Hull. When that’s full Doncaster will be next.
Categories:Monkey Life, Monkey News, Science
The Chatty Chimp 