Jacob Rees-MoggMonkey Life

Cabinet Ministers, hedge fund managers and wealthy businessmen launch a £3B Social Aid Fund

Inspired by the Premier League Footballers who have rallied round to help those who have been impacted by the Corona Virus Lockdown, a consortium of city traders, wealthy businessmen and aristocrats have joined together to do the same.

Happy to share it!

At a recent cabinet meeting, senior politicians were praising the public’s response to the COVID19 crisis. “We were very impressed by the way the public had responded. How uplifting to see everyone helping each other and it was heart-warming to see communities selflessly coming together.” Said Jacob Rees-Mogg.

 “The Cabinet was impressed by the footballers selfless gesture. The act of giving up their income in order to make sure that all the staff their clubs would get paid. And the ways they were donating extra money to help local hospitals, and the most vulnerable in their community. It’s a great idea. Matt Hancock pointed out that, as a group, we were quite well off and that perhaps we should do something similar. He kicked things off with a big pledge. Well, that was it! we had a whip-round, and by the end of the meeting, there was 2 million quid in the kitty. Not only that, but the Government also agreed to forgo their salaries until the crisis was over.”

Funds biggest cabinet donor, Matt Hancock

“I got into politics to make a difference, to help those who need it, and make Britain a better place to live. This is the first time that I felt that I have really done something positive.” Continued Jacob.

Once news of the generous gesture got out, their friends joined in. A collection of wealthy businessmen; Sir Richard Branson, Tim Martin, James Dyson, Sir Philip Green, Stelios Haji-Ioannou, Rupert Murdoch, Richard Desmond, The Barclay Brothers and Mike Ashley joined together with several hedge fund managers, including Sir Crispin Odey, and several other ‘entrepreneurs’, to build up a £3 Billion social aid fund. The fund was also endorsed by The Royal Family, with Prince Andrew offering a sizeable donation to the pot. The money will go to help provide those on the frontline with essential equipment to keep them, and their families, safe. It will also provide financial assistance to those who have lost everything as a result of the lockdown.

Prince Andrew
Happy to give you some of mummy’s money!

Thank you to you all, Britain salutes your generosity.

Meanwhile, COVID-19 continues.

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