Following Trump’s comments, Harris said, “WTF is going on? Did I wake up in the Twilight Zone?” This message is brought to you by Pets at Home.
Donald Trump recommends serving Red wine with Labrador
Masterchef cancelled as Britain runs out of ruddy ducks!
Spatch left the competition after his duck failed to impress the judges. The duck wasn’t too keen on him either.
Cookery expert’s croissant bakes off TV Film crew
I just couldn’t get the croissants right, and I can be quite intense when I’m stressed.
Catholic Church in schism over Pineapple on Pizza
Cardinal Mott Zarella says that putting a pineapple on pizza is a sin.
Discovery of a giant Golden McNuggett sparks Scottish gold rush
Discovery of a Golden McNuggett sparks gold rush. The rare Scottish delicacy is thought to be worth millions when sold to hipsters from a South London shed.
Veganist gutted to discover he could have had meat for the last 25 years
Veganist gutted to discover he could have had meat for the last 25 years. Scientists find meat’s good for you, the planet and the animals. No more Quorn!
All chippies in Edinburgh have gone vegetarian for the festival
Edinburgh Chippies are converting to vegetarian for the festival. Locals are unhappy at being turned into a suburb in Surrey.
Fake Balsamic Vinegar; middle-class shoppers offered counselling
Fake Balsamic Vinegar has entered the food supply chain resulting in middle class foodies becoming traumatised at the thought of having used unbranded vinegar. Up market retailers were quick to reassure customers […]
Cornish Pasty shortage likely after Brexit
Crnish Pasty shortages set to hit the UK after EU demand a hard border, on the A30, with Cornwall. Ginsters unaffected.
The Chatty Chimp 