BBCChatty Chimp News

BBC makes a Schrödinger’s Apology to St Gary of Lineker

Last week St Gary of Lineker posted a tweet comparing the language used against vulnerable people seeking safety to that used by Germany in the 30s.

This is a view echoed by many. In fact, Cruella Braverman was confronted by a holocaust survivor on this very point. At the time, Cruella refused to apologise for her inflammatory language. She later doubled down on this when she equated 45,000 migrants with billions trying to come to Britain, or she may be terrible at maths. She got her arse handed to her by Susanna Reid for that one.

Not to be outdone in the ‘How ridiculous can I look?’ contest, the BBC rushed into the box to defend itself from allegations that a nasty left winger was hosting Match of The Day. It succeeded by scoring a magnificent own goal when it suspended St Gary of Lineker for breaking impartiality guidelines that the BBC had said did not apply to him.

Social Media quickly pointed out that the Tory Party had stuffed the top positions with their supporters (Tim Davie, Richard Sharp and Robin Gibb) and that they orchestrated his suspension so it could hardly claim to be impartial.

Matters worsened when Social Media added to the fun by posting tweets, clips and extracts from Tory-supporting presenters, who the BBC had previously defended or not censured, this included the Tory Shills appointed to run the organisation.

It seems freelance presenters, who don’t work in news and current affairs, can say what they like. Who’d have thought it?

Then Tim Davie (Tory Shill) decided to be interviewed by BBC News to explain why he was right to do what he did. No, it wasn’t as bad as the Royal Sex Pests’ attempts to defend himself, but it wasn’t far off. At least Mr Davie has never eaten in a Pizza Express in Woking.

Now, it turns out that loads of freelance BBC sports staff want to enjoy freedom of speech, and they like Gary Lineker, so they all declined to appear on TV and Radio. Then the football players and managers said they wouldn’t talk to the BBC either. The BBC decided to tough it out and told St Gary of Lineker that they would air Match of The Day without him or any of his friends. So, football coverage was significantly reduced.

Come 10.30 on Saturday Night, the nation got out the popcorn, pulled up the armchair and tuned in to Match of The Day, to hilarious results. And they say satire is dead.

Over the weekend, most of the country sat down to watch the inevitable Twitter War.

On the right were the Gammonatti, who want to see brown-skinned people denied their fundamental human rights. They want them illegally locked up without trial or legal representation.

On the other side are those who think it is wrong to punish the vulnerable victims of evil people traffickers. As one commentator said, “It’s like punishing the choir boy because of what the priest did.”

Meanwhile, the Government’s Propaganda Department (BBC) suspended St Gary of Lineker for posting an entirely accurate tweet and sticking up for vulnerable people.

Asked about the affair, Rishi Sunak checked the polls, and saw they blamed the Government for the fiasco. So, he claimed this was a BBC matter, and he had no input into who his predecessor appointed to the board. No, not in all his years in Government had he anything to do with the biased appointments at the BBC.

Realising the Prime Minister had thrown them overboard, Tim David, Richard Sharp and Barrie Gibb hastily contacted St Gary of Lineker.

The big question now is, when is an apology not an apology? Hence the Schrödinger Zinger. You can’t tell it is an apology unless you see it, and you can’t see it unless someone tells you it is an apology. As Yes Minster pointed out, there can be no question that the BBC gave into pressure.

So, the Tory Trinity agreed that St Gary of Lineker could resume his hosting duties and post his tweets as usual. For their part, the BBC would review their guidelines, ensuring that the review results will be available long after all those involved are dead. A classic British Schrödinger Zinger.

Tim Davie went on TV to tell everyone how sorry he was for something that may or may not have been his fault but definitely wasn’t St Gary of Lineker’s.

Meanwhile, St Gary of Lineker Tweeted that it was “all sorted”, before adding, “Don’t forget the plight of the refugees fleeing from persecution or war to seek refuge in a land far away.” Well said, Sir Gary.

Meanwhile, your Government continues.