Drugs – The Chatty Chimp

Boris Johnson to lose passport after admitting cocaine use

Spurs fans stocking up after it’s announced that cocaine use would lead to football banning order.

Other countries look at Britain and think, ‘What are those guys on? Can we get some?’

In a tightly fought contest, Bristol beat Amsterdam, Paris and Madrid to become the cocaine capital of Europe. Russell Brand denies he lives there.

House of Commons kitchen accidentally uses cocaine instead of baking powder in the Spotted Dick but not everyone dined in. Police baffled.

Dr Who Fan outraged to find Tardis now selling CBD Oil. The Dr would never have done drugs, well maybe Tom Baker would he’s up for anything.

Drug dealers report high sales at Glastonbury as middle class white kids get their rocks off in the sunshine

Tory Leadership contest brought to you by Coke. “My drug habit was bigger than yours” says future PM

Cocaine users sue their dealers after talcum powder linked to cancer

Grannies using social media to sell prescription drugs to young addicts for money!