Tory candidate wins seat in GE2019 by a landslide after suggesting that Benefit Claimants should be put down. Tory HQ very excited by the proposal.
Tory wins seat after saying “Benefit claimants should be put down!”
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Bob The Builder now Boris’s Senior Adviser
Bob The Builder has become the Senior Adviser to Boris Johnson. The new Manifesto has a resolutely positive theme. Can we fix it for me? Is the Tory cry
‘Awf with his head’ cries The Queen
Having lied to The Queen she has called for her executioner to sharpen his axe and get the bucket ready for Boris. Public seem to be in favour of it!
Plans underway to find a suitable ditch for Boris Johnson
Dig a ditch for Boris. Concerns raised that he won’t honour his promise to be found ‘dead in a ditch’ if Brexit is delayed.
Jo Johnson has resigned the Johnson family whip
Jo Johnson has resigned the Johnson family whip. In a dramatic move, he claims he can no longer continue having Boris Johnson as his brother.
“I’m Not Boris” says his election opponent
Plucky Ian Napton to challenge Boris in his Uxbridge constituency, running on a ‘I’m Not Boris!’ ticket
Satan orders in extra kindling in readiness for Boris’s arrival
Extra kindling has been ordered for the fires of hell in preparation for the arrival of Boris Johnson. Handcart seen in Downing Street.
Boris says ‘it’s a good day to bury bad news under Bury’
Boris says ‘it’s a good day to bury bad news under Bury’ as he heartlessly kicks the end of Bury FC from the top of the news headlines – RIP The Shakers
Following Game One, Man City are awarded the Premier League Title
The Premier League Title awarded after game one. FA decide not to drag out the season’s inevitable result no matter what Liverpool and Spurs fans think.
Saj The Maj wowing audiences with his Magic Money Tree act
In his Bunco Booth, Saj The Maj has been wowing audiences his with his magic money tree act. The best magic trick since Paul Daniels.
Gove declares practice power cut drill a success
The first of a series of post-Bexit practice drills, cutting power to most of the UK was hailed as a great success by the idiot in charge
Gove surprised the EU says Au Revoir mon ami
Minister says as long as we maintain the plucky attitude which saw us through the Blitz and we sing songs about the Germans, everything will be all right.
The Chatty Chimp 